There's About to Be a "Bud N' Breakfast" in Denver

Denver’s soon-to-be newest Bed and Breakfast is exactly what you think it is. Oh, man, I have so many jokes lined up for this.

In the Most Colorado Move in the history of Colorado Moves, a company known as the MaryJane Group, Inc. (if there’s one thing of which potheads are big fans, it’s terms for their hobby that were dated in 1992) has signed a one-year lease with the owners of the Adagio Bed and Breakfast. The company plans to transform the bed and breakfast into a patchouli-scented paradise for patrons looking to kick up their feet, then forget where they put said feet and start to wonder if the entire concept of feet is just a fragile illusion.

Guests staying at the “Bud N’ Breakfast” — that’s their name for it, don’t blame me — will receive “unlimited food, drink and, of course, the best marijuana and marijuana edibles Colorado has to offer.” Here’s how disconnected from the American drug scene I am: it took me a couple minutes of pondering to figure out what the hell “marijuana edibles” were. Anyway, there’s also going to be an “on-site chef available to prepare gourmet foods cooked to order” (read: “we have a guy with an enormous box of Funyuns”), and they’re going to “provide unlimited luxury transportation within the Denver city limits with 24-hour security” (“we’re going to drive you around the block a few times at 20 mph, only you’ll think you’re going at speeds that would make the Millenium Falcon blush”).

No word yet on when the place opens, or when it closes for repeated, terrifying health code violations.