Amazingly, this is not a Florida story.

Via the LA Times, An unidentified 78-year-old man was at a Burbank, California Costco on Tuesday, where he went over to the Nutella sample cart. Of course he did—who in their right mind can resist the siren call of free Nutella samples? Unfortunately for him, however, 24-year-old Derrick Gharabighi was also there at the time. Given what allegedly happened next, I would assume that sentence could also be used to describe anyone who has ever been in the same place as Gharabighi in his entire life.*

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As the elderly gentleman reached out for a sample (as one does), Gharabighi grabbed all of them at once, because apparently, he is mentally 6 years old. According to police, when the 78-year-old man asked for one of the samples and admonished Gharabighi for taking so many of them, Gharabighi came up with the clever and eminently reasonable comeback of punching the guy right the fuck in the face. The victim was ultimately hospitalized with a cut and swelling above his left eye. Gharabighi was quickly arrested, because yes, Derrick, that’s typically what happens if you allegedly punch an old person in a public place with no provocation, you goddamned sociopath.

Gharabighi now faces one count of elder abuse (I did not realize this was a specific crime until this story, so The More You Know), as well as a special allegation that he inflicted great bodily harm on his victim. He potentially faces up to 11 years in prison if convicted.

This seems as good a time as any to point out: Jesus Tapdancing Christ, don’t punch elderly people (or anyone) because they had an issue with you wanting to steal all the Nutella samples at a Costco. The deliciousness of Nutella is not a mitigating factor.

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* This becomes less surprising when you look at the guy’s Instagram page. Does that look like the face of someone who would punch out an old dude over some Nutella? Yes. Yes, it does.

Also, “future nurse.” It’s typically frowned on when nurses punch out the elderly, Derrick.

Edit: OH MY GOD THIS COMMENT ON HIS INSTAGRAM:

This is everything. Was this one of you? If this was one of you, you’re a goddamned hero.

Image via Lester Balajadia/Shutterstock.


Contact the author at WilyUbertrout@gmail.com.