If you're anything like me, every time you finish a burger, your immediate thought is, "man, you know what'd be great for dessert? A giant plastic dick. That'd be awesome!" Well, you're in luck, fellow hypothetical meat-loving sexhound: a Danish burger place is about to add sex toys to the menu.
Owner Mathias Kaer of Hot Buns in Copenhagen says the sex toys will only be available during evening hours, which is...kind of an improvement, I guess? Kind of shitty for fans of Afternoon Delight, though. He's planning to promote this by offering — I am not making this up — free cock rings to the first ten male customers and free vibrators to the first ten female customers after the new menu kicks off.
This actually isn't out of place for the aptly-named Hot Buns:
It's a natural fit, considering the restaurant puts as much emphasis on the tank top and hot pants worn by its all-female staff as it does on the burgers.
The restaurant's Instagram page even posts cleavage shots of employees and invites followers to guess which woman it is.
Oh. So the place is basically Danish hooters, only somehow it's more messed-up than Hooters. OK.
Hot Buns has also been the subject of some criticism by Danish politicians:
When Hot Buns opened in March, Danish politician Camilla Schwalbe admitted having a beef with the restaurant's use of sex to sell burgers.
"Fast food normally makes you feel guilty, but this burger should make people feel extra guilty and leave a bad taste in the mouth," Schwalbe said according to the Copenhagen Post.
I'm sorry, I'm short on jokes here because I literally know nothing about Denmark other than a) Beowulf happened there,* b) "Copenhagen" is really fun to say, c) they were apparently really cool about smuggling their Jewish population to neutral Sweden during the Nazi occupation in World War II, d) I constantly screw up and say "Danish" and "Dutch" in place of each other, because I'm an idiot. Thus ends my knowledge of Denmark.
* It did, didn't it? I'm not fucking that up?
Image via Pekic/Shutterstock.