Hey, who's up for some kebabs? Oh, wow, nearly everyone? Cool. OK, the catch is they come with a side of being hit with an iron bar. Huh. Suddenly a lot less hands up. Go figure.
Luke Jarvis was displeased with his order at the One Minute Food House in Faringdon, England, so he called Environmental Health (I'm assuming this is the UK equivalent to the Health Department; if I'm wrong, someone please correct me) and then demanded a free meal from employees Omer Soylemez and Tuncar Arslan. Then his friend Samuel Delaney threw fries and ketchup at them, because apparently Samuel Delaney is seven years old. The two were probably drunk — Jarvis was convicted of being drunk and disorderly on the night in question. Everything up to this point is the most sane part of this story, by the way.
So Soylemez and Arslan then followed Jarvis in their car, then ambushed him: Soylemez hit him with an iron bar, then Arslan kicked him while he was on the ground. Amazingly, Jarvis didn't suffer injuries severe enough to need hospital treatment, because he is apparently a more dickish real-life incarnation of the Drunk Hulk Twitter feed.
It's important to note that neither Soylemez nor Arslan has any kind of criminal record or history of violent behavior. It seems Jarvis was just obnoxious enough to drive them to assault him — which I get, since I've wanted to punch customers in the throat MANY times. I just have never actually done it or come close to doing it, because that constitutes assault and I'd prefer not to get arrested. Regardless of how dickish a customer is being, you can't hit them, though. No, not even if you really, really want to. Well, not unless you're a chef — you can probably get away with it at that point.
The Judge in question, Gordon Risius, gave them 12-month suspended sentences. Instead of going to prison, Arslan and Soylemez will have to do 500 hours of community service, pay a £500 fine, and complete a 12-month supervision order. The quote from Judge Risius is actually pretty awesome here:
"The next time, do not take the law into your own hands regardless of the behaviour of your customers and regardless of what they might have done before."
Translation: "look, I totally get that the guy was a tremendous dick, but you can't assault customers for being bags of shite" (I thought a British colloquialism was appropriate given the story).
ETA: Yes, that's a goddamn kebab, dammit. It's a doner kebab. I originally had a picture of a shish kebab, then 10 different commenters corrected me.
Image via Elena Shashkina/Shutterstock.