Hey, what's the worst ingredient combination of which you can possibly conceive that still technically technically counts as "food?" NOPE, DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF, DEEP-FRIED SPAM DONUTS ARE WORSE.

The above picture has not been doctored. There is a crazed spam gunman on the loose in Preston, Lancashire, Whimblybobbles, Bumpley-upon-Scunge, England.* In honor of Friday's National Donut Day, a guy named John Clarkson has taken regular, non-tragic glazed donuts, cut them in half, slapped Spam in between them in humanity's current closest approximation of a literal turd sandwich, then chucked them in a deep-fryer, because why not at that point? They're essentially spam depth charges, only they're capable of far more horrifying and widespread destruction than their merely traditionally-explosive counterparts.


Clarkson says he got the idea from the brain raccoons who tell him to burn things "out of nowhere," and frankly, a mind that can come up with that really needs to be stopped before it falls into terrorist hands. That's not even the funniest quote from the linked article, though โ€” that honor goes to this gem:

"I am not even a fan of doughnuts to be honest."

Yes, Mr. Clarkson, given what you've just done to them, we're all well aware of that.

*It's possible I may have made one or two of these up.