These Gummy Bear Reviews Are the Funniest Thing You've Ever Read

Apparently, there’s a problem with Haribo’s sugar-free gummy bears and…well…you’d better read for yourself. None of these reviews are jokes, either — these are all legitimate reviews, and they are STILL the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks.

The fine gummy bear purveyors at Haribo generally do really great work — hence why I ranked them so highly in my Candy Rankings. Unfortunately, they apparently didn’t adequately beta test their sugar-free gummy bears before selling them on Amazon. It’s unclear what sugar substitute they were using, but it had some…uh…unfortunate side effects. Poop side effects. As in, we’re talking a potential Level 4 Biohazard situation at the very least.

Some quotes from the reviews themselves:

“I sneezed out of my butthole.”

“Ate a bag of these when I boarded a 6-hour flight to Seattle…don’t use a bathroom on a Delta flight. That stench is from me, 7 years ago.”

“Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell…the stench, like 1,000 rotting corpses vomited.”

“I not only had a visit from the fart fairy, but the sales rep from Montezuma’s Revenge stopped by and gave me a FULL demo of their services as well.”

“I am sending a bag of these to every member of Congress to show my gratitude.”

These are FAR from the only gems that lay through that link. The funny thing is, all the reviews say that the gummy bears actually taste delicious — they’re just served with a side of explosive gastrointestinal distress. Go figure.

When my girlfriend sent me this, I laughed so hard I literally almost blacked out. My entire face hurts from reading this. If you have even the slightest regard for comedy, please, please click that link — you will not be disappointed.