Guys, I couldn't write this shit. As hard as I could troll McDonald's, they're apparently way better at doing it to themselves. Just, game over.
OK, fine, let's do this: McDonald's is, without any hint of irony, going out of their way to proudly advertise that their food is not impervious to the passage of time. Seriously.
Alright, there's a reason for this, as anyone who's seen Super Size Me can tell you: director Morgan Spurlock put a bunch of different McDonald's items in jars (along with a fresh-made burger and fries from a local restaurant) to see how they'd decay over time. The McDonald's burgers took longer to decay, but still did — but after eight weeks, the french fries didn't appear to have decayed at all.
It's worth noting that McDonald's has tried to defend their food's adherence to the laws of the 4th dimension before. In 2012, they posted on their Canadian website that "hamburgers, french fries and chicken are like all foods, and do rot if kept under certain conditions." I'd write a joke in response to the fact that they had to include "if kept under certain conditions" (probably for legal reasons), but we both know I don't need to.
McDonald's can make the claim that their food actually decays assuming the planets have aligned and the burgers have been specially blessed by a priest and someone has taught a goat how to play the kazoo in exactly the right spot on a Tuesday in October, but the video pretty much speaks for itself. There's also the realization that the fact McDonald's even needs to clarify that their food decays is pretty indicative of a problem.
Image via orangecrush/Shutterstock.