Illustration for article titled Justin Timberlakes Restaurant Was Closed By a Literal River of Poop

No. You can't make me make a Cry Me a River pun here. I'm not going to stoop to that level.

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So, back in 2013, Justin Timberlake's New York restaurant Destino was abruptly forced to close despite doing pretty good business and featuring a regular roster of celebrity clientele since it opened in 2006. Originally, this was claimed to be due to "flood problems," which is technically not a lie, as we just found out today that the reason it closed was that the premises were inundated in a literal flood of human waste, twice. I hope in the process no celebrities ruined their Suits & Ties — NO, STOP IT.

In July 2013, plumbing pipes above the restaurant (pipes which were actually illegal and allegedly the insurance company's responsibility) burst and covered the walls and entire restaurant in what can only be described as a localized doody hurricane. That would be bad enough, but a lawsuit filed against the insurance company by Timberlake and his partners alleges that the company then rushed Destino to re-open in November of that same year, before they were ready. The end result was the same as the first: a pipe in the basement again ruptured, spilling something unspeakable all over the restaurant's main food storage area. Man, that insurance company really seemed to have Tunnel Vision about the re-opening — FUCK GODDAMIT WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.

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You could probably come back from one poop-related restaurant disaster, if you're incredibly lucky. Two, though, is just a bridge too far. Regardless, it definitely looks like that sewage really Went Around AND Came Around — OH THE HELL WITH IT I GIVE UP.

Image via Getty.

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DISCUSSION

Why do famous people just randomly start restaurants? I mean, like, even if this hadn't ended in pooptastrophe, did Justin Timberlake think he had some special concept for a restaurant that was new and interesting? Aren't there already, like, a lot of restaurants? (Ones without illegal poop aqueducts flowing through their ceilings?) He's not a chef (and clearly not a plumbing inspector), what made him think this was a thing that the world needed?