Guy Fieri Impersonator Robs Sports Bar

You get one guess which state brings us this story, after which I will hit you with a giant stick on which are whittled the words “IT’S ALWAYS FLORIDA.”

It’s not clear whether this guy was a deliberate Guy Fieri impersonator or just an accidental one, but either way, look at that picture and try to tell me that doesn’t look eerily like the Donkey Saucing Mayor of Flavortown. Via WFLA, the Fieri-esque thief apparently stole food and several bottles of alcohol from Ferg’s Sports Bar in St. Petersburg, Florida after breaking into a rear entrance past closing time.

Police are now asking for help identifying the burglar, so if you live in St. Petersburg, a) I’m so sorry, and b) think back on if you thought you spotted Guy Fieri at any local hot spots recently. We won’t know for sure why the guy appears to have modeled his entire look after the host of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives until if and when the police manage to catch him. Part of me wants answers, but another part very badly doesn’t want the reality to let down the fantasy I’ve constructed in my head.

Regardless, man, it feels good to get to type “Guy Fieri” again—and to get to use that tag.