Dairy Queen Robbed By Mysterious, Sword-Wielding Assailant
In DepthY’know. Just robbing a Dairy Queen with a sword. As one does.
A robbery at a Port Huron, Michigan Dairy Queen has police searching for a robber armed with fucking Longclaw. Police say the man ordered a Blizzard, then as soon as the counterperson opened the cash register, he pulled out a “sword or machete,” grabbed the cash, and ran. OK, important question here: how exactly does one hide a sword? A sword tends to occupy a sizable area, not to mention immediately drawing one’s attention to its presence, because it’s a fucking sword. Was the nameless suburban ronin actually a master of hammerspace?
Police are still looking for the alleged Blizzburglar, described as a 6-foot-tall white guy in his mid-20’s wearing a black and blue parka, a black hoodie, and a gray scarf with skulls on it. If you see him and you happen to be a Highlander, do not approach: he has likely consumed more souls than you have in preparation for the Quickening.
Image via Ken Wolter/Shutterstock.
Contact the author at [email protected], or if you liked his culturally-relevant Game of Thrones and Highlander references, you should follow him on Twitter @EyePatchGuy.