Burger King Introduces Burgers for Breakfast

Breaking news in the breakfast wars: Burger King is now offering burgers. But, y’know, for breakfast.

I hope you guys are sitting down for this: Burger King will now offer the Whopper, the Big King, and the Original Chicken Sandwich at breakfast time, in addition to their regular breakfast menu. Mass e-mail all your relatives, for all must hear of this earth-shattering development.

This glorious and not-at-all half-assed bold step forward comes at a time when the Fast Food Breakfast Wars have reached new apexes of fervor. Truly, Burger King’s creativity outshines all of its competitors, though. While Taco Bell is journeying into bold new frontiers of wafflocity and McDonald’s is doing whatever the hell this is, Burger King is really pushing the envelope by offering all the stuff it regularly does, just a couple hours earlier. And I don’t know about you guys, but nothing says breakfast to me like an unstable collection of pseudo-vegetables perched atop a greasy beef slab.

It’s hard to fathom what Burger King will come up with next given the extreme level of creativity on display here. Will they offer burgers without a bun (MADNESS!)? Will they court disaster and introduce a new drink cup size (HERESY!)? Or will they take the risky nuclear option and keep their dining rooms open for another half-an-hour at night (THE END OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!)? Whatever option they choose, we at Kitchenette are sure that their choice of direction won’t at all make it look like everyone at the company is hopelessly depressed and has just completely given up at this point.