As someone who had to cut onions last night and still hasn't fully recovered, please give me them now.
Farmers in Bedfordshire claim they've created a strain of onions, the Asda Sweet Red, that neither makes you cry nor causes bad breath. The onions were created after a 20 year crossbreeding program specifically designed to reduce their pungency.
The catch is that they don't have quite as much flavor as regular red onions — they're not going to be a replacement for regular red onions in all things. That's fine in things like garnishes and salads, though, which is what they're ultimately designed for. Pickling them should still work just fine, and if you've never had pickled red onions in a salad, ohhh, you poor dear.
Also, a handy trick to stop onion tears (other than wearing goggles or "making Colin do it," which is my fiancee's method): stick your head in the freezer. Not kidding. If you're working at a restaurant, it's even easier, because you can just go into the walk-in.
Image via EM Arts/Shutterstock.