Chef Who Invented the Cronut Designs New Weird-Ass Thing

Illustration for article titled Chef Who Invented the Cronut Designs New Weird-Ass Thing

I know, I know; we're all tired of the damnable cronut by now. You're tired of hearing about it, I'm tired of hearing about it, your grandmother who only watches Brian Williams ("he seems like such a nice young man!") is tired of hearing about it.


Unfortunately, the guy who invented it, Chef Dominique Ansel of Dominique Ansel's Bakery and Madness Factory, has come up with a new thing: a shot glass made out of a cookie that you pour milk into. Or possibly vodka. Personally, I'd prefer vodka. Here's Chef Ansel explaining his twisted creation:

"If everyone was drinking milk with cookies, you might as well make a dessert that allows them both to be combined," he told [].


Pretty sure that dessert already exists, Chef, and it's called Milk and Cookies. I'm reasonably certain that is a thing. Do they not sell milk and/or cookies in France? Are they both available, but there is a ban on letting them ever touch each other that dates back to Cardinal Richelieu's dreaded Chocolate Chip Torture of the 17th century?

Honestly, this just seems weird to me. How the hell are you supposed to even eat it? Drink the milk, then down the cookie after you've swallowed the milk? Take the shot and attempt to stuff the entire thing in your mouth without spewing dairy everywhere? Bite off the top half of the shot glass and create a lactose tsunami? Attempt to stuff the entire thing in your mouth at once, presumably while shouting "P IS FOR PRETENSION, IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME" and spraying chocolate chips across the room?

Moreover, why would these things hold together long enough for you to even try that? Cookies don't stand up that long when you dunk them in milk. In what scenario does this not end in tears and require a towel?

I have grave concerns about the structural integrity of your dessert creation and remain highly dubious, Chef Ansel.

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At the ultimate risk of being the lone voice of dissent - the cookie isn't going to get soggy. It actually has a very good structural way of achieving this (seemingly impossible) state, and it doesn't even involve sorcery.

It involves...


If you look at this pretentious monstrosity closely (no more than 5 seconds, or you'll have a very sudden and violent urge to wear a monocle), there looks to be what I'm sure is an organically produced, ethically sourced, locally processed artisanal Magic Shell cleverly (sorry, but it kind of is) providing a condom-esque barrier between the milk and the cookie shot.

However, just looking at this exhausts me with its over-earnest effort and smells vaguely of the desperation to hit upon another viral money-making confection atrocity.

Not that I'm jealous of the scads of money he's made off of such a dubious product or anything.