Ever wondered which states are the biggest winos? Thanks to Business Insider, now we have a definitive answer to that question.
Using data collected by the Beverage Information Group, Business Insider managed to chart wine consumption by State. The winner? My hometown of Washington DC*, which sits WAY out in front of the pack at 25.7 liters per capita, two times the national average. How far out ahead is that? There's as much of a difference between DC and second-place New Hampshire (19.6 lpc) as there is between the Granite State and 10th place Delaware (13.5 lpc).
Having grown up there, I can't say I'm shocked. I mean, we have to spend our days constantly confronted with a) all the assholes the rest of you people elect and then ship to us by express mail, b) either the most homicidally insane traffic jams in the continental US or the most ludicrously badly-run subway system in existence, and c) the Washington Wizards. Don't even pretend you wouldn't spend your days in a drunken stupor if you were in our position.
The lowest state in these rankings? West Virginia, at 2.4 lpc. Makes sense — pretty sure the general viewpoint in the Mountaineer State is that if it don't taste like blindness and old boots, it ain't worth drinking. Let's just say the rest of the bottom 20 aren't exactly a shocker, either.
* I'm aware its not a state, now shut the hell up, you pedantic asshat.
Image via Mariyana M/Shutterstock.