No, seriously, “because Shania Twain” is literally the sum total of the argument here.

Via ThinkProgress, at the recent McDonald’s shareholders meeting, one unidentified individual waxed poetic on the reason not to raise wages to $15/hour. His specific reasoning? Because such luminaries as Twain,* Jeff Bezos, and Sharon Stone all worked at McDonald’s when they were younger, and if they’d been paid $15/hour, they never would have left. I’m laughing right now, because if I don’t, I will kill myself with the pizza wheel I just found in our bedroom for some reason (why?).

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Yes, if McDonald’s paid someone enough to be able to survive, why would anyone ever leave the glorious paradise that is fast food work? I can’t think of a single reason. Fast food customers are always so very nice to the employees, and no one ever has cause to be unhappy or sad. Truly, those fast food workers live a privileged life, and shouldn’t even work for money! They should simply be doing it for the joy of the experience!

I don’t think you understand how to logic, good unnamed sir.

* Who I did not know until now is actually Canadian, possibly because with the exception of the song “My Maria,”** I treat listening to country music with a level of enthusiasm I ordinarily reserve for cleaning my cat’s litter box.

** Don’t judge me, that song is awesome.

Image via AP.


Contact the author at WilyUbertrout@gmail.com.