Earlier this week, an otter wandered into a restaurant in Scandinavia and went on an enraged, murderous rampage. No, seriously, this happened.
It all started when an otter, apparently injured by a boat propeller, wandered into a burger place in Alesund, Norway, and began terrorizing the customers. Says the restaurant manager (I swear to God I'm not making this up):
"We did not know what kind of animal it was. I have never seen an animal like that in my life," said Mohamed Rashed, owner of Skippy's Fast Food. "I was terrified it was going to attack."
After animal control was called (because when a crazed otter wanders into your eatery and starts doing a Russell Crowe impression, it's best not to faff about with the situation), the otter attempted to gnaw off the animal control officer's finger. Since Vikings don't give a fuck, this wasn't a particularly big deal: "I had a tetanus shot just after the bite, so it's OK."
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"It was horrible, man," said native Toledo-an Sherman Q. Pantsfondler. "One of them had a red nose and was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and ripped out some dude's vocal cords. I think I heard him screaming something about 'gumshoes picking up the slack' just before the carnage began."
Image via AP. For a more accurate representation of the above events, picture the adorable rodent or rodent-like creature (I really can't be assed to check on whether otters count as rodents) holding a severed human hand in its mouth.