Today in No, Seriously, This is Real: McDonald's is hosting wedding receptions in Hong Kong. I swear that this is in no way exaggerated — this is EXACTLY the way you're imagining it.
There are 15 different McDonald's restaurants that offer this service, and it's not just weddings: they apparently also will host anniversary, engagement, and bridal shower parties. The service was apparently at the request of Hong Kong customers:
"We started the program because many customers tell us that McDonald's is where they first started dating...McDonald's is where their love stories grew," Lee added. "This connection is exactly why they want to hold their wedding parties and even anniversary parties at McDonald's—to relive sweet beginnings and bring their romantic story full circle."
I've sat here trying to write something in response to that for five minutes now, and I've ultimately come to the conclusion that I have absolutely no words for what that quote does to my brain. Part of me is wondering if CNBC has been BADLY pranked, but as far as I can tell, this checks out. This is a thing.
McDonald's is offering four wedding packages, ranging from the Deluxe (US $1,290) to the Bargain (US $373). Here's what the Deluxe entails:
The deluxe version includes a 2-hour venue rental, McDonaldland character gifts for 50 guests, 50 invites, wedding gifts, a pair of McD's balloon wedding rings, bridal bouquet, apple pie cake display, Crystal McDonald's house, decorations, a MC and more.
No word yet on whether they're willing to provide the subject of the above image as an officiant.*
In response to whether this might be expanded to other countries in the future, a spokeswoman for McDonald's notes that for now, this service is exclusive to Hong Kong. Translation: "We can't believe this is a thing people actually want, and of course we're not going to try to bring this shit to America, are you high?!"
Do you guys want to write the rest of the jokes, or should I? You know what, you take them; you've earned it. Do me proud.
* You're goddamn right this joke is why I went with that for my lead image.
Image via ami mataraj/Shutterstock.