It takes a lot to make an online restaurant reviewer look like the lesser asshole in any given scenario, but this would certainly be a way to do it.

After Brooke Lewis had a bad experience at Sunset Terrace Restaurant and Lounge in Thousand Oaks, California (during which she threatened a bad review, because of course she did) last June,* then subsequently left a bad review on Facebook and Yelp, she pretty much expected that to be the end of it. Via ABC-7, it was not.

Look, I hate Yelpers,** you hate Yelpers, everybody with an ounce of common sense hates Yelpers. Hating Yelp and the people that frequent it is as much of an American tradition as apple pie and systemic oppression. But man, if you were looking for a way to lose the moral high ground in dealing with these people, it’s hard to think of a faster, more efficient way to do it than with the Facebook post above, which is about as batshit insane as anything I’ve ever seen or heard of a restaurant owner do.

Here’s the actual text of the post, if you’re having trouble reading it:

Hi Brooke,

Thanks so much for the kind words.

Like any business there are times when we face challenges and sometimes fall short of our goal, which is excellent food and service in a nice atmosphere at a great price.

In the case of your mothers experience, after hearing three (3) witnessed accounts of the incident, I don’t feel we fell short in any case. Your mother was struggling greatly that day. If she had been able to get her medications straight and find the ability to articulate her desires my staff would have been more than accommodating.

I can only assume, after years of embarrassment trying to explain the behavior of (as she put it) her “Bitch Daughter” she got her meds mixed up.

Brooke, you are an Ignorant, Disgusting, Miserable, Lying Filthy Cunt Pig!

I feel so bad for your mother, having to feel responsible for such a Foul, Repugnant, Waste of Space just because it spilled from her schizophrenic vagina.

As for you poor embattled boyfriend Erik, please, please, please have the common decency to kill yourself before you burden him with a half Shit child.

The world will be a little bit better place once you no longer a part of it.

Holy. Fuck.

Here’s the really crazy part: the owner, who goes only by “Tyrone,” is openly admitting he did this and staunchly refusing to apologize. He took down the original post while refusing to apologize for it, instead saying that he “didn’t think so many people would see it,” but he posted a follow-up (please note you have to be logged into Facebook to see this post, for some reason) that just dug his heels in further.

Advertisement

Before this story, I couldn’t envision a scenario that would make me actually side with online restaurant reviewers. So thank you, Crazy Tyrone, for gifting me with an altogether new and wholly unexpected experience.

Also, do click the link and watch the news report, particularly the part where the reporter has to read the uncomfortably vile sections of the Facebook post and substitute what’s there for words that can be said on TV. Trust me, you’ll thank me for it.

* Underratedly-weird part of this story no one seems to be talking about: this guy just left a message responding to a bad Facebook review from a year ago? That takes some serious commitment to craziness.

Advertisement

** This was on Facebook, not on Yelp, but since “Yelpers” has pretty much become shorthand for anyone who leaves reviews online, that’s the term we’re going with for this category of people.

Image via ABC-7.


Contact the author at WilyUbertrout@gmail.com.