I say “fuck” a lot. This is not news to anyone who reads this site regularly—or ever. It was, however, apparently news to numerous people who flooded my inbox earlier this morning.

They really did not know what they were in for.

In a post from yesterday about the Taco Bell meth lab, I used the phrase “give no fucks” about restaurant GMs. The paragraph in question was this one:

It’s unclear how, exactly, the two were able to set up a meth lab inside a Taco Bell, although one of the men—it’s unclear which—was a now-former employee of the restaurant. Still, while restaurant GMs frequently give no fucks and have no clue about what’s going on inside their own building, I’ve never heard of that extending as far as “functional meth lab on the premises.” Someone’s got some ‘splaining to do.

Over the course of an hour this morning, I received a dozen emails about my choice of words, most of which seemed to assume it had been a typo. My initial reaction was—understandably, I think—one of confusion:

What started as confusion, however, quickly turned to delight as I realized these poor souls were unfamiliar with the internet. Clearly, this was an opportunity to educate:

I soon discovered there were many people in need of educating, particularly vis a vis the finer points of the restaurant industry’s supply chain issues:

One apparently wished to credit me with superpowers I do not possess:

Many were genuinely trying to be helpful, and I cordially thanked them for their consideration:

And another:

There were a lot of these, actually:

Multiple people seemed to believe I meant to use the word “facts”:

“Yike” indeed:

One was far too quick to lavish me with bizarre accolades I clearly do not deserve:

And in my favorite email, I got into a philosophical discussion about the nature of belief:

All in all, I consider this a rich, free-flowing exchange of thoughts and ideas and an invaluable learning opportunity. Who knew the internet had such a thriving dingus population?* Truly, we grow and learn each day.


* Aside from everyone who has ever been there.

Contact the author at WilyUbertrout@gmail.com.