I think we can say pretty conclusively now that the Grand American Experiment has failed.

In an effort to determine the most popular liquor by state, drinking app BARTENDr, which apparently forgot to hold down the shift key, analyzed data from 700,000 users across America. They discovered that only a few brands held sway over most of America: the two most common were Jack Daniels and Fireball “Whisky” (which is schnapps). All told, Fireball was either first or tied for first in 15 states, tied with Jack Daniels. This wasn’t a regional issue, either: Fireball was the choice of (terrible) patrons in such disparate places as Maine, Alaska, Arkansas, Minnesota, and Nebraska. Terrible drinkers are everywhere.

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Incredibly, only two states picked something remotely close to the correct answer (Jameson): Pennsylvania and Indiana. It’s going to take me a while to come to terms with the fact that those were the states with something approximating good taste, but hey, I guess even a broken clock.

Now, obviously, this doesn’t actually mean Fireball is the most popular liquor in America since this was only limited to users of a specific (albeit popular) drinking app—which is good, because at that point we’d have to just set off all the nukes and take our chances. It does, however, mean Fireball is way too popular. It also indicates a pretty clear overlap in the Venn diagram of Fireball drinkers and BARTENDr users, so “avoid BARTENDr users” is probably safe advice.

Image via Fireball Whisky/Facebook.


Contact the author at WilyUbertrout@gmail.com.