"Dave the Donk-Man's fancy French-style clam paws with sweet-and-sour Suzycakes."
That was the first entry I got when I clicked Eater.com's Guy Fieri Flavortown Dish Generator, but it was far from the last. This wonder of humanity requires no further explanation, but here are some of my other favorites:
"Punk Rock Reggie's triple X pork honk with Tuscan-style beef taffy."
Every single thing in that sentence is making me laugh so hard that I'm not sure which is the funniest.
...just kidding, it's totally pork honk. PORK HONK.
"Inside-out double-down tri-tip with Guy-Talian yam hammers."
There's a 100% chance "the Guy-Talian yam hammer" is Guy Fieri's nickname for his penis (the above image is actually Guy Fieri conducting a presentation on said yam hammer).
"Adjunct Professor Andrew's salty chicken shooters with thrice-fried creamed walnuts."
There's no possible way that's not a euphemism.
"Slippery Sal's skillet-splattering pork scooters with tempura onion screamers."
That's a euphemism too, but in an entirely different and wholly horrifying direction.
"Horny Nor-Cal armadillo kickers with crème brûlée pinto pops."
This thing is humanity's greatest creation. Please, share the wonder the Guy Fieri Flavortown Dish Generator has brought to you in the comments.
Image via Getty.